........They're everywhere, all around us. They move about like you and I, they laugh, cry, walk, talk and think like you and I. But they're.....different...possibly dangerous...or else they'd be down-right humorous. But make no mistake...they are here and they are real. The danger is....certain words or phrases.... innocent enough at face value...can & does cause a cerebral short circuit with symptoms that mirror rabies and Tourette Syndrome. There will be mouth-foaming, teeth-gnashing, wild-eyed hysteria, and vile, vulgar inanities, insults, slurs and slanders. The transformation is startling. One minute you're speaking with a calm, rational human being, having a delightful conversation and then you say the wrong word and it begins. The fluttering eyelashes and bubbles at the sides of the mouth are the first signs...and just like that... the calm rational person from a moment ago has been replaced by a screaming banshee, devoid of reason, spitting as they spew hatred and raw violent rage.... unreasoning...and not to be reasoned with.
I had my suspicions for a while, but they'd never been confirmed until recently when i was able to do some field work, purely in the interest of science, you understand. After developing my theory, and running a few small, random tests that were informative but inconclusive.....I headed to the city of Portland, Oregon to test my theory at a larger scale. Portland is a beautiful city. Its a great mix of neighborhoods, each with it's own identity. Its clean & friendly and from the perspective of this old east-coaster, it is very user friendly. There's an affable openness about it's people, they greet you with sincere smiles and exhibit courtesy, especially in traffic, that would get one eaten alive in New York, Chicago, Boston, or even Providence.
My first experiment in Portland was at a small private party of about twenty or so people, all from, or long-time residents of the city. It was a great party, Laura Veirs, Typhoon, and The Indigo Girls were in shuffle mode on the stereo...the bongs were glowing and the beer was cold......a scrabble game in one corner and some charades type game going on.........and that's when I said it........."I think Trump was a pretty good President." The effect was expected yet still unnerving as i watched these poor souls begin to twitch and shake spastic-ally. Neurons were misfiring, with jaws clenched they tried to smile yet only managed a frightening teeth-baring grimace. One or two offered an escape as they hissed a "what did you say" so freighted with suppressed rage the words lingered like shark's teeth in the air....daring me...or offering escape.....
...Your humble reporter had no real desire to spoil the party so I offered that they'd misunderstood....I told them..."I think I said global warming"......and with that...the frozen-time feel of stares and static barely suppressed rage & madness melted away....a double-word score was scored in the corner....and the charade continued as someone pantomimed
a drowning polar bear.
The next test was the big one.......frightening, but buried within the results I found reason to hope. I stood on the sidewalk at rush hour and casually said.....Donald Trump
All around me....people started, jerked into oddly disjointed attention,..like poor marionettes at the dangled end of a sneeze above. They jerked their heads around in stiff sudden motions....trying to identify the source of this mind squeeze. Some of them were gripped by a Tourette-like belching of fanged barbs, repeated lies, and preposterous suppositions in a slurry of drooling rarefied enunciation. " Agrrrhhh baaarggh Bitch grumble mumble stupid droogy boogie no brains"
And just as i was thinking I'd better not repeat that......i noticed something odd and it called for another test. I climbed to a third story window....stood behind the curtain and in a full throat-ed shout i repeated; Donald Trump! Watching from above...able to see the poor souls twitching & writhing I noticed that although they're loud & vile & vulgar.....and everywhere.....they are not as many as they believe they are. They come at you...roaring the ridiculous ravings of the unthinking. Regurgitating the jokes from their celebrity news sources, buoyed by the certainty of their superiority in number & intellectual prowess. They scream poll numbers and news reports. Any attempt at reasoning with them is met with vicious retorts...repeated "wisdom" and ridiculous-on-their-face assertions. And it is true that some of this rabid phobia is readily apparent and ardently fostered though-out some popular media outlets. It is also true that their stridency and bluster tends to make intelligent discussion impossible. And within any social setting the discussion will steer clear....not mentioning certain words or thoughts....lest the zombies start twitching. And this silence buoys them....convinces them....comforts them. They see the ever-increasing crowds he draws and sniff haughtily at the poor dupes.
Now...lest anyone think I am a particular fan of Mr Trump, let me say this. I greatly admire a lot of what he's done in his life thus far. I'm also convinced he's an egotistical, bloviating, self aggrandizing, boorish human being. Such a man would never be in my circle or network, of friends. But there was much to like about his presidency, ESPECIALLY in comparison to What (who) followed.
I had my suspicions for a while, but they'd never been confirmed until recently when i was able to do some field work, purely in the interest of science, you understand. After developing my theory, and running a few small, random tests that were informative but inconclusive.....I headed to the city of Portland, Oregon to test my theory at a larger scale. Portland is a beautiful city. Its a great mix of neighborhoods, each with it's own identity. Its clean & friendly and from the perspective of this old east-coaster, it is very user friendly. There's an affable openness about it's people, they greet you with sincere smiles and exhibit courtesy, especially in traffic, that would get one eaten alive in New York, Chicago, Boston, or even Providence.
 |
| "Did He Say Donald Trump"? |
...Your humble reporter had no real desire to spoil the party so I offered that they'd misunderstood....I told them..."I think I said global warming"......and with that...the frozen-time feel of stares and static barely suppressed rage & madness melted away....a double-word score was scored in the corner....and the charade continued as someone pantomimed
a drowning polar bear. |
| aarrrgggghhhh! Karl Rooooove |
All around me....people started, jerked into oddly disjointed attention,..like poor marionettes at the dangled end of a sneeze above. They jerked their heads around in stiff sudden motions....trying to identify the source of this mind squeeze. Some of them were gripped by a Tourette-like belching of fanged barbs, repeated lies, and preposterous suppositions in a slurry of drooling rarefied enunciation. " Agrrrhhh baaarggh Bitch grumble mumble stupid droogy boogie no brains"
And just as i was thinking I'd better not repeat that......i noticed something odd and it called for another test. I climbed to a third story window....stood behind the curtain and in a full throat-ed shout i repeated; Donald Trump! Watching from above...able to see the poor souls twitching & writhing I noticed that although they're loud & vile & vulgar.....and everywhere.....they are not as many as they believe they are. They come at you...roaring the ridiculous ravings of the unthinking. Regurgitating the jokes from their celebrity news sources, buoyed by the certainty of their superiority in number & intellectual prowess. They scream poll numbers and news reports. Any attempt at reasoning with them is met with vicious retorts...repeated "wisdom" and ridiculous-on-their-face assertions. And it is true that some of this rabid phobia is readily apparent and ardently fostered though-out some popular media outlets. It is also true that their stridency and bluster tends to make intelligent discussion impossible. And within any social setting the discussion will steer clear....not mentioning certain words or thoughts....lest the zombies start twitching. And this silence buoys them....convinces them....comforts them. They see the ever-increasing crowds he draws and sniff haughtily at the poor dupes.
Now...lest anyone think I am a particular fan of Mr Trump, let me say this. I greatly admire a lot of what he's done in his life thus far. I'm also convinced he's an egotistical, bloviating, self aggrandizing, boorish human being. Such a man would never be in my circle or network, of friends. But there was much to like about his presidency, ESPECIALLY in comparison to What (who) followed.
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